Who Are You Calling a Fake Nerd Girl?

Fake Nerd Girl. I laughed the first time I heard the term. A nonsense word the likes of Jabberwocky. I thought it the fluff invented on a slow news day written by an intern hoping to be clever.

I feel like I’ve missed something my entire life. There are apparently troves of treasures to be found in nerdiness that need guarding against unworthy hands. Who knew? Obviously, not me. Although, aren’t dragons installed for this sort of thing, given the size factor multiplied by the whole fire breathing thing? In movies, yes, but this is the 21st century. As dragons are a bit hard to come by, nerds opted to install an invisible measuring stick and a meme. Fort Knox has nothing on nerds. Truly.

I don’t use the word “we” because I am not a full-fledged member of this exclusive club. I thought I was. What else would a lifetime of teasing and bullying for your interests get you? Other than potentially therapy bills, that is. But, I’m not so sure anymore that I have been admitted.

How many times do you need your nerd card checked before you get in? I suppose I could ask this nerd girl since she’s got entry into the cave of wonders. But, frankly, I don’t think I could handle that kind of rejection. There are other women I could go to, but they are far and few between and, I fear, much of the same.

If I crossed the aisle, I’d fair far worse in certain circles. Women, after all, are not the largest purveyor of the accusatory images. Men are the pushers of the fake nerd girl narrative. The stick against which all women are measured for admittance into the holy sanctum.

That is an exam I’d, frankly, rather not take. It’s not a question of passing. No doubt in my mind, I can absolutely ace the majority of what’s thrown at me. It’s just not a test I have any business considering. But that’s not to say, this little tidbit isn’t useful.

In stepping through the looking glass, I’ve found the term is something I never knew I needed. It has given a name to more than several of my experiences. I had danced around this a few months ago. At the time, I hadn’t connected the dots between the questions asked and the idea of being vetted.

Odd, this strange turn of events. I had believed myself to be part of a community that was welcoming to all who found themselves branded with an N, G or D. (Nerd, geek, and dork for reference.) There was a camaraderie founded on the common abuse we all lived through. But, now, I see that was a dream fit for the likes of Don Quixote, Arthur of Camelot, and me.

Queue Cheap Trick.

Aren’t nerd boys stereotypically alone in their rooms, pining for a girl to want them? Every movie I’ve ever watched says this is their lot in life, so it must be true. I’d have thought this would be a best-case scenario. Women are finally paying attention. Bust out the champagne and streamers. Put on your best suit and party! But no, instead we get the Dead Men of Dunharrow saying in raspy voices, “the way is shut.”

Outrage and indignation would better suit the situation. Here’s another hurdle women must jump over. Raging against the dying of the light and all that jazz. But, there are times when my funny bone feels the need to take control of the situation. And this is absolutely one of those times.

The laughter produced by this situation is in no way a merry laugh. It’s the sarcastic type, my best defense mechanism. This meme certainly encourages others to nerd check every other woman claiming membership and me. But the image says infinitely more than that, and it’s not directed at nerd girls.

Leveling blame and accusation at women is a genuinely boundless expanse of possibilities. We’ve ruined family life, the workplace, the Super Bowl’s halftime show, and now, we’ve finally torn down the sanctity and purity of nerddom. “Nerd girls?… Oh shit, there goes the nerddom.”

Ladies, I think we can go home now. We’ve done our job.

News flash. We’ve always been in your nerddoms. You just never paid enough attention. One of the cornerstones of this fake nerd girl concept is that it’s an attention grab. From personal experience, I can say with certainty that my nerdiness hasn’t been an asset.

Want to know how far a nerd girl gets with nerd boys? Not very far. I spent a lot of time in the friend zone. I was that girl they could depend on and ask advice of. The idea of dating me never once crossed their minds. That’s not saying my “Eau de nerdiness” was a total liability. But it took a long, long time for it to bear fruit.

Women don’t apply the “fake it till you make it” principle when applying for jobs. What makes you think we’d use it to get into a club that we’re apparently not welcome in? Hint: The answer is we wouldn’t.

This fake nerd girl meme isn’t an indictment of women. Instead, it’s a digital monument to fragile egos, desperate gatekeeping, and Stockholm syndrome. Sitting in front of your computer, taking potshots at women for liking the same things you do sounds…sad and, most certainly, conflicted. Walking around Cons with your arms crossed condemning women for eagerly attending and participating is precisely the kind of shit you got when you were in school.

I love the Care Bears as much as the next person, but in this case, sharing is not caring. Believe me, nerd girls went through the exact same crap in school. The only difference is we got shit for all the things puberty does, or in some cases, doesn’t do to us on top of it.

It sucked, sure. But that was a long time ago. Isn’t it time to Elsa all of that? Shouldn’t we all be celebrating nerdiness coming out of the shadows into the light?