When Harry Met Sally…Thirty Years Later

Thirty years have gone by since When Harry Met Sally first debuted on the big screen. Thanks to Fathom Events Big Screen Classics series, I got to sit down in a theater to revisit a favorite of mine. On this most recent viewing, I left the theater with my head a buzz thinking about what this movie still has to offer.

Sure, the hair, clothes, and cars date the movie. Sadly, hats the way Meg Ryan sports them are no longer en vogue, and it doesn’t look like they’re going to make a comeback. But, then again, the subtitles noting the year or passage of time intentionally date the plot if the film. I’m not sure if that was an intentional move on Reiner and Ephron’s part. I doubt it. The dates were added just to denote the passage of an extended time. For new viewers, these dates set the expectation from the get-go that the story started in 1977. The audience then settles into a mindset where The Wave and feathered hair are commonplace, negating the natural age of the movie. With that swept to the side, the true beauty of this movie can shine.

The reason this movie hit it out of the park wasn’t because of the faked orgasm in Katz’s Deli. Nor is it the music, although they did put together a great soundtrack. What really allows this movie to stand the test of time is its raw honesty.

Let’s talk about the choice of Billy Crystal to play the male lead. Talented? Yes. A popular actor? Definitely. Funny? Absolutely. A Playboy cad? Got you there.

Crystal just is not sexy. Let me rephrase. He’s not physically sexy. I don’t mean that negatively. He’s not an actor who’s appeal comes from his looks. So, for him to play Harry, a guy who sleeps around with beautiful women is, from a romantic comedy formula standpoint, a bit odd. Think about it, if When Harry Met Sally was being cast today, Harry would look more like a Hemsworth brother than a 5’7″ forty-year-old comedian from The Bronx. The eighties were the last decade where this kind of choice would be made consistently. It pittered out in the nineties with Tom Hanks and Adam Sandler. The male leads weren’t always physical Adonis’.

I’m having a tough time coming up with a Rom-Com from the eighties that had a physically “perfect” make leads. Who am I kidding? Dirty Dancing. That’s my only specific example. You could make an argument for Tom Cruise in Risky Business, Michael Douglas in Romancing the Stone, and Dustin Hoffman in Tootsie. A record scratch probably sounded in your head on that last one. Not a typical pick, I know, but go back and watch it. He could be a contender. Anyway, the super sexy male lead wasn’t the norm up until recently. They were guys who looked like ordinary guys you’d have in your circle of friends. So, when you first meet Harry, you’ve met someone just like him. Or maybe you are someone like him.

When it comes to Meg Ryan, well, she’s the Queen of Romantic Comedies, but she wasn’t at the time. She is an attractive woman. Anyone taking the counterpoint would have an uphill battle there. But she was always labeled the cute Girl Next Door. If you were looking for a sexpot, you’d be headed over Michelle Pfeiffer’s way. And in this film, Sally’s physical appearance isn’t the most noticeable trait. It’s just something that she is. The real beauty of Sally Albright is her reactions to the situation she’s in. Her optimism, unapologetic frankness, and her, mostly, pragmatic approach to relationships.

Sally isn’t the cookie-cutter female lead. Her relationship with Joe breaks up because she wants to start a family, but he doesn’t. However, she isn’t in full subjugation to her biological clock. Her friends urge her to jump back into the dating world. If shot today, there would probably be a montage of speed dating nightmares. But Sally resists. In the scene where she reconnects with Harry, they are in the self-help section of a book store. Sally retreats to advice from professionals instead of Marie’s Rolodex. Just as with Harry, we all know someone who would choose the written word over unsolicited advice. Someone who would shy away from jumping back into the uncertain world of dating.

The two main characters, as well as their trusty sidekicks, are incredibly relatable because their foundations are amalgams of real people. Rob Reiner and Nora Ephron both poured their personal experiences into the script. Reiner and Penny Marshall had split earlier in the decade, and he drew upon that to build Harry’s struggle. Ephron pooled her resources between herself and a number of her friends to create Sally and Marie.

By turning on When Harry Met Sally, we aren’t watching a contrived love story. We are watching two people dropped into situations they didn’t account for. Harry had meant to be married and happy. Sally intended to live with her boyfriend in uninterrupted, unattached bliss. But that’s not what they get. These two, instead, get to grapple to answer the question, “Can men and women be friends?”

Isn’t that a question all of us have asked and tried to answer?

When the two characters meet again, and their relationship starts to take form, they absolutely need the answer to that question to be a resounding yes. They both seek out and cultivate a platonic relationship with one another to fill the voids in their lives. For quite a while, they are successful at proving their younger selves wrong. But, the heart wants what the heart wants. In the end, their ultimate answer to the question is yes and no. Which, for their situation, I think, was a pretty good answer.

Harry and Sally aren’t perfect. Their flaws are laid bare on screen, by circumstance, and by their own actions. The flaws aren’t inserted to provide low hanging laughs or to fit a stereotype. In fact, Harry and Sally both invert the common stereotypes found in romantic comedies. Meg Ryan’s character is the one who struggles with emoting, whereas Billy Crystal’s character is dominated by emotions. He wants to run from a public place when he ends up seeing his ex for the first time since the split.

No one is sitting there, wanting to be Harry or Sally. Because they are us. Or someone we know. And that’s why this movie is a timeless classic, not just another romantic comedy.

And now, I want some pecan pie…till next time, Nerd Girls!