We Helped The Oscars Flop And This Is Why We Were Powerless

Boring. Anticlimactic. Missed opportunities. And probably a dozen other downer descriptions have come across my news feed regarding The Oscars. As much as I want to defend the show, I can’t really muster much in the way of a strong argument.

I don’t think the blame falls entirely on the shoulders of the team making the creative decisions. They had limited resources to work with given the restrictions of a COVID world. I liked the smaller art deco setting for this year’s show. It was very golden-era Hollywood. Minus the martinis and old fashions sitting on the tables. They should have been serving alcohol like the Golden Globes does, potentially solving the occasionally stiff and awkward presenter problem.

The red carpet coverage started things off on the wrong foot. ABC’s coverage and stand-in hosts were stunted and awkward. Obviously, they hadn’t seen all of the movies and didn’t take the time to get highlights to cover up their lack of knowledge. E!’s coverage simultaneously tried to pretend like this was a regular Oscars and turn the evening into Superbowl Sunday. Stop it, Gretchen. Oscars Sunday is never going to happen!

The reduced number of stars and the odd pre-show coverage were surmountable issues. Nothing is perfect.

I’d go so far as to say we could have found a way to ignore that the showrunners sporadically forgot clips of the nominees/movies as their names were being read. Were there technical issues no one is talking about? Even the strategically placed sad trombone, double feature of Joaquin Phoenix leading into the best actor category, and Chadwick Baseman not snagging top honors could have been forgiven. The Oscars were ultimately defeated by something they couldn’t control.

Us, the audience.

As evidenced by my lackluster attempt to watch all of the top nominated films this year, we weren’t as invested in the results. We’ve spent a lot of time getting to know our couches over the last year. Getting a bit of space from that relationship is long overdue in this house. So, I don’t know about you, but the idea of strapping in for an Oscar movie marathon just didn’t thrill me into action.

I wanted to get to all of these movies. Still do. But I’m finding it harder and harder to commit to watching movies at home.

I want to go to the movie theater, plunk down the 14 dollars for a ticket, spend 20 dollars for that super salty, delicious movie theater popcorn and a drink and sit in those moderately comfortable chairs, damn it. Anyone else? I know I’m not alone here.

For those of you who didn’t manage to last through the show, Frances McDormand pleaded with us to watch these movies on a big screen when we get the chance. Yeah, she took time out of her acceptance speech to prove she misses movie theaters. Well, at least the money generated from us going to the movies.

I bristled at her comments when I first heard them. Yeah, Fran, we would go to the theater if we could. But in case you didn’t notice, there’s a pandemic going on.

Now that I’ve had a bit to reflect, her request underscored why the award show just didn’t draw me in with excitement. We have been cut off from watching movies as they were intended to be shown.

There’s nothing to be done right now except to get vaccinated, follow guidelines, and continue to have patience. And this year’s Oscars just had to be sacrificed to that effort of patience.

Which is unfortunate because there were plenty of big moments in the 2021 show. These moments deserved bigger celebrations, shouting, massive group hugs. Heck, they should have had bigger tables so people could have stood on them and jumped around like Roberto Benigni in 1997. COVID was going to squash the epic parties and celebrations. At least, I would assume that to be true. Daniel Kaluuya’s comments make me think that Oscar after-parties were still on the menu, but I find that hard to imagine.

I don’t think anyone realized how much going to the movies played a part in the Oscars. The size and location of the screen shouldn’t matter. After a year of being restricted to our home theaters, though, I think we can all agree it absolutely does matter. For two hours or so, we get to escape into a dark box, where it is a faux pas to have your phone on, and be led away from the dishes in the sink, the laundry begging to be done, etc. And we want to see those folks who created this temporary escape rewarded for their work in turn. (I’ll leave the flaws with the Academy alone for now because that’s a whole other kettle of fish.)

I hate to lean on the phrase, there’s always next time since it’s been excessively overused, but I can’t think of anything better to go with my feelings about this year’s show.