Silly Adult, Disney’s For Kids!

I started a post to talk about Disney and adults where I was going to highlight some of my favorite places and things to do. And then that angry mom post made the rounds. I was going to shift the focus of the article just a bit to include something about that. But then my phone decided to give me a New York Post article titled “Sorry, childless millennials going to Disney World is weird.” The light-hearted listing of my favorite things will have to wait.

Let’s start with some housekeeping. You know, “Marley was dead, to begin with,” type stuff.

I was born in 1982, which lumps me in with the oft-ridiculed generation. I do not have any children. Adam, that’s my husband. I realized I haven’t called him by name ever. Sorry, I don’t know why I did that. He does, from time to time, get saddled with the label of millennial as he was born in 1977. He also does not have any children. And we go to Disney.

In other words, we steal Mickey pretzels from the mouths of babes. We are the uncultured and inept adult-child swine Johnny Oleksinski was writing about in the New York Post.

To the pointing fingers at childless millennials for the ruination of Disney and the family vacation, I’d say why stop there? Why not the Kennedy assassination and the Challenger explosion too?

I would argue in the situation that spurred this conversation if that angry mom had a younger sister/brother who didn’t have their own kids with her in the park that day, she wouldn’t have felt the need to lash out. An extra set of dedicated hands and legs when going up against the endless energy of a kiddo is never a bad idea. But the Post’s op-ed backs up the social media rant and even takes it a bit further. Childless Millenials who Disney are an unusual breed and are flat out uncultured.

The opinion that it’s weird for people without children to go to Disney or any amusement park is not original to Mr. Oleksinski. Forget faceless people on the Internet, we get a decent amount of skeptical side-eye from people we know. And a lot of it comes from the place where the author of the op-ed is coming from. Disney and its ilk should be given up at the age of eighteen because it doesn’t fall under the pre-prescribed definition of an adult found in The Adult Handbook, the name I’ve given to those unwritten “should-dos” and arbitrary timelines set for each life mile marker. I am a gainfully employed, fully functional adult…after coffee, but that rulebook needs to go. The only thing it breeds is poor decisions, self-loathing, and unwarranted shame.

Childless adults in Disney hits on two Handbook no-nos: not having children five minutes after the wedding cake is cut and showing a gross immaturity and lack of cultural exposure. We’ll ignore the baggage that comes with the first, so we can focus on the second.

Mr. Oleksinski sides with the stereotypical take on Millennials. Our continued love of Disney, or indulging in any amusement park, highlights our inherent flaws and excludes us from experiencing the real world and enriching our lives. He likes to go for that particular potshot. In the four articles I clicked into on his archives list, he went for that attack three times.

Bold strategy, Cotton. Let’s see if it pays off.

That punch might land harder if Oleksinski wasn’t also a member of the despited generation. Readers are meant to assume that he fails to exhibit the disdainful traits the rest of us do. After all, he’s a movie critic for the New York Post. The New York Post, people. He’s out there earning his paycheck by immersing himself in a fantasy-based industry.

Let that marinate for a minute.

He is a Millennial, getting paid to watch and write about movies, who throwing shade at his peers for choosing to spend their money at an entertainment destination. Do with that what you will.

This year is out of the ordinary. Adam and I hold Six Flags season passes, Disney Passholder tickets and Busch Gardens Williamsburg Fun Passes. Usually, we only have Six Flags season passes. That’s a lot of time in theme parks. Either way, we’d still be offending parties for spending any time in a park.

We are, as adults, are engrossed in obligations, to-do lists, personal goals, work, and whatever the hell is playing on the closest screen. We are over-stimulated from the minute we get up to the minute we go to bed some days. Everyone needs an escape from that. I don’t care what chapter you’re on in the Adult Handbook. You need it.

In parks with larger thrill rides, we don’t keep our phones with us. We stow them in a locker with the car keys to prevent loss or damage. Disney is a little different. We keep our phones with us, but they aren’t anything more than overpowered cameras and a reservation system. Access to TVs streaming news, sports and garbage coverage is limited too. I can’t think of a single bar or restaurant on the resort equipped with a TV.

The result of the lack of distraction? Being present.

Cruises, beaches, backpacking, and a long list of other things could be put forward to challenge the choice of an amusement park. They are all great options. But, for us at least, when we are inside a park, the ability to disconnect is far more attainable.

The nostalgia and wistfulness of amusement parks give these locations the extra boost in that department. Being reminded of the good times you had as a kid isn’t a crime, nor should it be discouraged. There are so many lessons we learn as kids that get swept away in adulthood. Being able to surrender to fun appears to be one of those lost lessons.

I’m not saying Disney has a monopoly on recreation. Anyone of those alternatives are just that. Fun can be found anywhere. It’s the self-censoring I am talking about here. Telling yourself that Disney/amusement parks are only for kids makes you the sad Trix rabbit. No one wants to be the rabbit.

This censoring feeds into the author’s point about the lack of cultural exposure. Oleksinski waxes poetic about the affordability and culture provided by places like Paris. On Aa certain level, I won’t argue with him. I’ll be the first person in line to encourage a trip to Europe or wherever it is your heart desires. It will be a fantastic experience.

His final line though, I can’t abide. He writes, “Oh who am I kidding? You’ll skip the Louvre and go straight to Disneyland Paris.” Interesting coincidence here. When Adam and I were planning our honeymoon, we selected Paris as one of the locations we would be exploring.

We drank café au laits at the cafe where Robespierre was shot and arrested. A pair of electric bicycles sped us down the streets of the Quartier Latin so we could witness the ornate splendor of the only church not stripped during the Revolution. Adam and I took in the garden behind Notre Dame, we descended into the cool, dark catacombs, explored the Louvre and drank in the sights of the city atop L’Arc de Triomphe all in one day. We spent two days in Disneyland Paris. An entire morning was spent strolling among works of the Impressionists followed up by crepes on the steps of the museum and taking in a street performer’s music. We climbed up to the top of Sacre Coeur’s dome and looked out on the city as the sun was setting. Adam got to try his hand at speaking in a different language while also having the benefit of an interpreter being right next to him.

All of those experiences and the record scratched at Disneyland, didn’t it? We talked about it long and hard whether or not we should take the time to see what the park had to offer. It came down to this: If we eliminated Disneyland as a possibility because popular opinion deems the location as not honeymoon approved, then we’d feel like we missed an opportunity and we would regret it.

For the record, the paragraph above up is not the exhaustive list of our adventures. It’s a highlight reel. We didn’t miss the cultural experience of Paris unless the only one that mattered was rosé on the Seine. We didn’t do that as beer is more our thing. Yes, yes, France is known for its wine. We should have been sampling all there was to have. But, Belgium is known for its beer. We weren’t stopping in Belgium, and every bar in France had beers we aren’t going to get in the States. New cultural experience!

As for his claim on Europe being more affordable than Disney, well, that’s a complicated equation. I can’t compare his numbers to ours in terms of Europe. His budget was compiled for the shoestring, just get me over there type trip. I’ve done those kinds of trips, and they are a blast. Not really what we were up for in our honeymoon. I will say his numbers are leaving out the cost of food, all that rose, and admission to attractions, museums, etc. His Disney numbers we’re also very conservative and assumed staying off property. You can do Europe on the cheap, and you can do Disney on the cheap. It all really comes down to where you want to spend your time. You’ll find the money to make that happen.

The most significant benefit to being an adult is having full control over your life. Ceding that power to the hive mind conception of a vacation, or anything really, is the real sign of an infantilized life. I could throw Walt Disney quotes at you, illustrating his intentions but I won’t. Instead, do a Google image search for the following: Walt Disney riding a train. The first few results will illustrate where the mastermind’s head was at. It seems weird to me to be imposing such narrow constraints on Disney when the adult who imagined it didn’t.