Pizza Honey

Well, well, well. Two weeks ago, I joked about LA County having fifteen cases of Covid-19. Currently, we have 409 cases and 5 deaths, and those are just the official reported numbers. Covid wasn’t even an official pandemic. Today, the state of California is under a shelter at home order, I had to order toilet paper on the internet, and we stood in line for an hour just to buy groceries. I’ve had a slight cough and fatigue for the last week, so like many people, I’m playing the “Cold, Allergies, or Corona Virus” game.

Apparently, the only people who can get a test these days are the rich, the famous, and high profile athletes. Fortunately, for the last four days, I have been working at home. This required me to bring my very heavy combination computer/monitor home and carry it up five floors to my studio apartment. Carrying this monstrosity resulted in some questionable looking bruises on my upper thighs. If called on, I would just casually mention the whip I was using on the boyfriend snapped back a few times, and there we are. Maybe this pandemic will be the official start to my erotic writing career, I hear it’s quite a lucrative way to pay the bills.

I am, of course enjoying working from home during these trying times. My industry is shut down mostly, so it’s quieter than usual. I don’t have to get dressed, but all my leggings picked this week to get holes in the ass. I can have trash tv on all day, props to the Netflix show “You,” which I watched in 3 days, total brain candy. I can have a beer any time I want, but I haven’t had one before noon – yet. Of course, we are all drinking more. Families and roommates are all shut up together. Every store is sold out of everything. And our president’s daily information briefs include telling journalists they are “terrible reporters.” We need something to take the edge off.

Shout out to Anthony Fauci’s on-camera face palm yo. It’s starting to feel a bit like Soviet Russia, with slightly less depression and alcoholism, yet anyway. Right before shit got crazy, I bought some beer, most of which has already been consumed, but I can still write about it for you fine people.

This week’s selection is California Honey from Pizza Port Brewery. I will absolutely admit I picked up this six-pack because of the can art. Just look at that dapper stinger clad gent, total beauty. The boyfriend and I refer to each other as bumblebee, honey buzz, and other apianesque nicknames that only come with half a decade of intimacy. Ok, also because the six-pack contained pounder cans, that is a rarity- I’m all about the value yo. It did also occur to me I haven’t had a blonde ale or a honey ale in some time, so I took those things as a sign I was meant to buy and drink this beer. Plus, the name Pizza Port! I’m sorry, but that is a cool name. I love pizza, and I enjoy ports and wharves and shit (Boston represent).

Pizza Port was founded by siblings Gina and Vince Marsaglia in 1987 in the tiny San Diego adjacent town of Solana, in a tiny pizza place – thus the name. Their pizzas look pretty good in the pictures on the website, and I see a milk stout, American Wheat, and an English Mild on draft I might like to sample. Fortunately for me, PP has 5 brewpubs now, the closest to me in San Clemente, a mere hour (with no traffic) from me. Once you start to drive down into the OC, you get that ocean blue, long pier aesthetic that most people associate (wrongly) with LA. I’ll have to visit sometime, once business reopens. It seems that the different locations have different PP brewed beers, that’s pretty cool. For someone who lives down there, they could sample all the delights, unlike my poor, landlocked self.

Look at the picture of California Honey. Look at that golden straw color, just beautiful. It’s clear, vapid, and yellow like a (California dye job) blonde should be. Blonde ales should have that crisp yellow filtered look, leave the haze for the hefeweizen. There wasn’t much head to speak of, a very porous off white-white foam that fizzled away soon after pouring. I did notice some lacing as I imbibed, but not enough to noticeably decorate the glass the way a richer stout or porter would. I didn’t locate any carbonation bubbles, but the can fizzed just so upon opening.

What little aroma notes I could pick up were light and sweet, with a bit of buttery undertones. If you told me I was smelling a lighter based pilsner, I’d believe you. I know I prattle on a bit about aroma notes and wafting, but a light and clean smell can be nice. It’s like a surprise, you can’t glean what the beer will be like until you actually taste it.

And now, that every so delightful first sip. Quelle surprise! This beer thicc. The mouthfeel is fuller than I expected, but not due to an overabundance of malt like some light beers. That invisible carbonation is present and accounted for, and really thickens up and gives quite the viscosity to Ms. Honey here. Despite the fullness, I wouldn’t say this beer is velvety, actually more like raw silk due to the astringent quality. This dryness leads me to believe ample amounts of honey were used in the wort, as honey ferments out dry and clean. Say it louder for people in the back – honey ferments out clean! If you are tasting honey-sweet, it probably has been back sweetened.

CH definitely has a simple flavor, but I’d say quite a nice blonde. My first sip picked up notes of lightly toasted crackers, somewhere between the pure wheatiness of a Triscuit, and the sweetness of a Wheat Thin. The honey is palpable not by its sweetness but by the sparkling crispness imparted. Pretentiously swirling CH around the glass, like I do to feel fancy in these trying times, does bring out the astringent honied notes.

When I closed my eyes and vivaciously swished the beer across my palate, I detected an orange blossom flavor minus any cloying sweetness. Honey butter cracker is the closest food analogy I can reach. I think this beer could do with even more honey in the wort, but why spoil a good thing.

My overall opinion is this is a good session beer if you enjoy clean taste. I enjoy balanced beers, so anything that doesn’t skew too bitter or malty is my jam. CH was a pleasure to drink, and I’m glad I purchased a six-pack. At 4.8%, it’s pretty easy to consume all the beers and still be thirsty for me. While 4.8 is not an elevated ABV, when you are drinking a pounder can or three while watching “Shark Night 3D” on Netflix, you’ll feel the effects rather nicely. I told you I’m on the trash tv train. Take some time to go down the streaming rabbit hole, you will discover some wild shit.

4 out of 5 hives