Crime Pays from Boomtown

As I slowly roused myself from a dream-filled fitful slumber this morning, my ears pricked up at the sound of soft water droplets hitting the street. Rain! Oh, sweet lord, we have rain. As I’m sure you know, it doesn’t rain much in Southern California, but man do I love it when it does. As your classic indoor child, I much prefer cozying up in a blanket with a book/movie/tv show, then doing anything in the sunshine. Sun causes wrinkles ya’ll! (and skin cancer, let’s not forget it can be a major killer.) I don’t go to parks unless I know there will be shade, I’m always the one under the umbrella at the BBQ. I have about ten layers of sunscreen and protective clothing when I deign to attend the beach. So, ya, the rain and fog is bomb dot com yo.

Of course, the fact that I love it, means native Angelinos hate it. LA folk love to talk about the weather, especially when they don’t enjoy it. We get rain maybe five times a year, and these folk bitch incessantly whenever the precious precipitation appears. Seeing as half this state is regularly on fire, you would think residents would welcome the rain, think again. That’s ok, though, more enjoyment for me.

I’m in a good mood today, far better than when my previous article was written. My poor keyboard may have taken copious amounts of abuse in the name of catharsis. My replacement spice shipment was sent out and received successfully. Shout out to Con Yeager in PA for their excellent customer service! When I saw the “out for delivery” notification, I tracked the truck on UPS’s little map and met the delivery man in my building’s lobby. I don’t know if we have a thief in the building, or if the men who regularly loiter outside my unlocked building see a delivery person and follow them in hopes of a payout. Haha, not today, Satan! The smoked paprika I ordered alone was worth waiting in the lobby.

Seriously though, have you tried smoked paprika? It is freaking delicious! I could write a whole article parsing out the flavor and aroma notes in that ruby red powder. I also ordered turmeric, a beautiful earthy goldenrod root, unclear what I will do with it, but it’s apparently a super spice that will grant me immortality.

Now for some people ordering $80 of bulk spices might seem a bit crazy, but I cook a lot. Plus, Con Yeager’s taco seasoning is fucking ambrosia of the gods. I also watch ample amounts of food-related programming. I definitely recommend Netflix “Rotten,” great for learning the down and dirty secrets of common ingredients like honey, or the horrifying corrupt military history of avocado farming.

If I’m looking for comfort I throw on my girl Ina Garten, I too desire a parade of fabulous gay men stopping by my Hamptons house for cocktails and scones. If you can’t make your own entertainment during Quarantine, store-bought is fine. Yesterday, I binged several seasons of “Worst Cooks in America,” and “Next Food Network Star.” Yes, I love cooking competition, and I found the contestants to be quite charming and supportive of their competitors. See, not all American reality television is trash.

I really can’t decide if Bobby Flay is hot or not, though, maybe sexy ugly? He is charming, a bit smarmy, a delightful old flirt. Wikipedia tells me he is a thrice-divorced, high school dropout, what a loser, huh? In my head’s fanfiction, I fantasize about Bobby and Giada hating each other. I imagine them as old-timey Hollywood stars who abhor each other offset and say quirky one-off rude quips in the hallway.

WTF is wrong with me.

All this yammering on about food programming says that I think a lot of us are engaging in activities that give us comfort. I take a great deal of satisfaction from cooking savory meals. Nerdy has been baking her way through Walt Disney movies. Fortunately, we both take great comfort in beer! For this week’s offering, we are again dropping by Boomtown Brewery, for a malty taste of heaven. Since we already got the rundown on my favorite LA brewery, let’s get down to brass tacks, the beer.

This week’s offering drops by my house so often, I should be charging rent, an “Air Beer and Beer,” if you will. Ok lame joke over. May I present for your drinking pleasure: Crime Pays Amber Ale.

CP is listed as a seasonal beer on Boomtown’s website, which I found surprising because ambers are usually a house standard. Fortunately, in the eight months in which I’ve been a BT patron, CP has always been on the menu. I’m assuming since it’s being brewed during lockdown, CP is here to stay.

Just look at that rich auburn liquid. I kept going back and forth between auburn and burnt sienna to describe the color. I think burnt sienna applies when you catch the rays of the sun shining through the glass, but auburn when the beer reflects the shitty light from my overhead fixture. Either way, beautiful! And talk about a Hollywood headshot, huh! That rich ivory foam that sits atop its regal russet dais. The regal Budha definitely approves, as he gazes approvingly from his lotus throne.

Do the aromatics match the appearance? You betcha! Upon the first waft, I picked up classic caramel malt, and toasted biscuit topped with demerara sugar. But all my beer babies know to never waft just once, the more you sniff, the more you get. My second go around brought out notes of fresh clover grass, and oddly carrot. See kids, beer equals vegetables. Now I live Koreatown adjacent. In my local Korean grocery, I saw something that looked like a liquid salad in a bottle, so you can definitely drink your vegetables in Los Angeles anyway.

Rest assured, though, CP does not taste anything like salad water. However, the mouthfeel is rather thin, not quite the viscosity of water, though. This amber jewel tastes amazing, by the way! Notes of red malt and toasted biscuit, are balanced out by a sweet, crispy vanilla toffee finish. After a few pretentious swirls around the old tongue, I even picked up notes of raisin, which complement the toast and toffee quite nicely.

I’m sure you all know what’s coming next. That’s right, a food metaphor! I’m picturing a caramel-colored pain au raisin, drizzled oh so lightly with some deep toffee, and some marigold petals. Flowers! That’s right. They provide just that right amount of floral bitterness that your tongue picks up to complement the roasty sweet.

As all you Nerdy Acolytes know, I enjoy a well-balanced beer (sours are the obvious exception.) I like a medium toasted malt with just a hint of sweet, complemented (not overpowered!) by a floral bitterness. This beer ticks all my boxes. If Boomtown called this an Oktoberfest, I’d believe them. While it is slightly hoppier than a regular Oktoberfest, if we labeled this a West Coast Okt, they would have a definite winner. At 5.8% with a crowler, or let’s be honest growler (for one) fo sho, of this shiz you’ll be feeling good and ready for more.

5 out of 5 pain au raisin