Burgertime

Cardiologists and fathers of teenage girls can agree that Burgertime packs a worthwhile message— Avoid sausages and never run out of pepper spray. Ok, maybe cardiologists wouldn’t get on board with that last part, but you never know.

If you haven’t heard of this game, don’t tell me. We don’t need anyone feeling old. To be fair, it’s not like this game rose to the heights of Mario fame. It didn’t really make it to Pong level. Yeah, let’s go with the idea it’s a niche game for those who like games involving food.

The game’s whole premise is that you are a chef trying to build burgers while ingredients chase you around. The typical end result of the game is you getting overwhelmingly angry at your controller’s joystick for letting you down at a critical juncture. That was true on the original Nintendo, on the Gameboy, and now on the Switch too.

Why do I keep coming back to a game that inspires that level of frustration? My joke answer would be that I’m a glutton for punishment. The serious answer would only include the glutton for punishment sentiment as part of the answer. Come on, no one wants to lose to pickles and sausage. I keep coming back to this silly and frustrating arcade game because it reminds me of some essential but easily forgettable lessons.

Video games have lessons? When a game designed to eat every quarter in your change purse, I doubt there was a focus on anything else built-in. I know I’m seeing what I want to see when I think about what I’m getting out of this game. That said, does it matter if the designer didn’t have a hand in it?

Before last Christmas, I hadn’t picked up the game in years. My Gameboy had been packed away in a box and forgotten about. It wasn’t until I contemplated buying a Switch for my mother that Burgertime popped back into my thoughts.

She had used the game as a way to distract herself on the stationary bike while I napped. How she managed to play a video game and pedal a bike is way beyond my skill set. While she didn’t pass down that coordination to me, she did make sure Burgertime made it into my small collection of Gameboy games. I have a sneaking suspicion she appropriated my game while I was at school.

If Burgertime wasn’t an option on the Switch, there was zero point in buying a gaming console for her. Low and behold, the nearly forty-year-old game was in the Nintendo eShop. I couldn’t resist clicking purchase to add it to our own gaming collection.

And now I’ve been playing it at least once a week for a half-hour at any given time. Any longer than that, and I turn into a grouchy, foul-mouthed sailor who hates eggs, pickles, and sausage with a deep, fiery passion.

Again, why would I put myself through this?

A lot of these types of games have a timer associated with them. Burgertime doesn’t. No matter what its grating soundtrack suggests. I’m reminded that I am not on someone’s schedule. It’s really easy to forget that. Especially if you aren’t adhering to the Zeitgeist’s schedule of events. Someone’s always ready to say, why haven’t you done X or why don’t you have Y.

I am an offender when it comes to society’s golden schedule. I’d love to say that I never get bothered by not taking the beaten path after all of this time. I’ve had plenty of practice dealing with the inquires and the veiled pressure.

But I am not the kind of person who has that “thick skin” I’ve heard about. Honestly, if it hasn’t grown in by now, it’s just not happening. So, it’s nice to have the reminder, even in the form of pickles and patties, that the only game I’m playing is my own.

Another thing about Burgertime is its scoring system. The game is designed to reward a certain level of patience. The end game of each level is to build the burger and clear the board, but how you accomplish that determines your score. You’ll get a much lower score if you don’t send a sausage or an egg down with a party or bun. To do that, you have to set them up for the ride. Stop moving even though your instincts tell you to run, run, run.

Of course, wait too long, and you’ll probably get screwed. Overall, it’s a change of pace to all of the media pushed to up productivity and stay on the go. Who hasn’t scrolled Insta or Pinterest and come across at least two or three articles giving tips on how to make the most out of your day or how to pick up a side hustle and have it all?

To keep with the food analogies, stretch the dough too thin, and you’ll get shitty pizza. Productivity is a necessity, but there are limits. And sometimes, doing nothing is productive.

I just typed that but make no mistake, I forget it more than I remember it. There are weeks where I sit down and schedule out my week to try to squeak every last minute out of my day. And, more often than not, I end up feeling washed out. Not to mention hating myself for not getting it all done.

Video games have gotten a pretty bad wrap over the years. I don’t think that’s fair, really. Maybe an arcade isn’t supposed to be a hotbed of deep thought and meaning, but there are probably weirder places to find such things.